Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
They have beer where we have blood.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
