you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
