That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I had to cum in my sink.
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