She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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