I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She swung at the pinata with crutches
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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