I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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