I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
