dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
