i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
