I'm lost and stupid without you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
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I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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