I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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