alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
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Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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