I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
