A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I puked a lego.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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