So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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