Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
