At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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