I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
