4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
