Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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