that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
