you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
how drunk are you?
Several
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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