no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
