my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
