the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
