Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
