Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Life is so much better after having sex.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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