East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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