I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
