yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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