I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
