Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
