I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
