ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
