Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
