The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
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