Rock
Scissors
Fuck
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
