I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
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Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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