I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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