I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
