So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
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if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
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The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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