Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
