forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize