this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
