it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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