matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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