when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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