a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
