Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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