just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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