I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
