im holly from the hills drunk
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
