they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
