Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
