Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
