do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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