I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
