My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I would fuck him just for his dog
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