i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
