You're my little dorito
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
