I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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