so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
