Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
