I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
