I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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