Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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