Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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