Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
