My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
