i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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