Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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