when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
