I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
