can u get pink eye on your cock?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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