some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
