I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
