note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
