Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
