You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
