There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
