dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
