Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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